The puppy that ran up to you or your toddler and made your family feel chosen becomes a beloved family member. The kitten that became the cat who cuddled up against you during your darkest hours. When spouses contemplate divorce, they are often surprised to learn that their furriest family member is considered property and must be distributed as part of the property distribution. You both love your pets and do not want to give them up—how do you decide?
1. Start the Conversation Early—Before Emotions Take Over
The worst time to decide who gets the dog is in the middle of a heated argument about who gets the house. Yet that’s exactly when most divorcing couples are forced to confront the question.
Why early matters: When you discuss pets at the outset of the divorce process—ideally with your attorneys, coaches, or a financial neutral present—you give yourselves time to think clearly, explore options, and accept the reality of what’s changing. Collaborative divorce teams are trained to help couples surface expectations and wishes around pets early, explain the financial implications of different arrangements, and support both spouses in making decisions that truly serve the animal’s best interests.
Waiting until the last minute often means one spouse is blindsided, emotions run high, and the pet becomes a bargaining chip rather than a loved family member. Start the conversation when you can still listen to each other.
2. Shared Custody Sounds Fair—But It Rarely Works
It’s tempting to think of your pet the way you think of your children: alternate weekends, holiday schedules, maybe even a detailed parenting plan. Many couples try to design a custody arrangement that lets them both stay in their pet’s life post-divorce.
The hard truth: Co-ownership of pets after divorce is generally not recommended. Unlike children, pets are creatures of routine and thrive with stability and one primary home. Shuttling a dog or cat between two households can create anxiety, confusion, and behavioral problems.
More importantly, shared pet ownership keeps you tethered to your ex-spouse in ways that breed conflict. The goal of a well-crafted divorce settlement is to reduce ongoing strife, not create new opportunities for disagreement. Co-ownership does the opposite. Who pays the vet bills? What happens when one of you wants to move to another state? What if your ex’s new partner is allergic, or your dog gets sick and you can’t agree on treatment?
If you must share custody: Some couples simply cannot imagine giving up their pet entirely, and shared custody feels like the only livable option. If that’s you, at a minimum, make sure your divorce agreement spells out:
· Which spouse is financially responsible for veterinary care, food, grooming, and emergency expenses
· A clear decision-making process if the two of you disagree about the pet’s care
· What happens if one spouse wants to relocate beyond a reasonable distance
· Whether the pet will move with your minor children or follow a separate schedule
Even with the best planning, sending pets back and forth—especially if they’re also moving with your children—can become one more source of tension. Be honest with yourself about whether you and your spouse can sustain cooperation around this issue for the next decade or more.
3. Understand How New Hampshire Courts Decide Pet Custody
If you and your spouse cannot agree on who keeps the pet, and your case goes to trial, a New Hampshire judge will make the decision for you. Understanding how courts approach this issue can help you evaluate your own position—and may motivate you to settle rather than litigate.
What judges consider: Because pets are classified as property under New Hampshire law, the court will consider factors similar to those used in dividing other marital assets, including:
· Ownership documents: Whose name is on the adoption papers, purchase receipt, or registration?
· Primary caretaker: Who takes the pet to the vet, feeds them daily, arranges grooming, and handles day-to-day care?
· Financial responsibility: Who pays for food, medical care, and other expenses?
· Post-divorce living arrangements: Which home offers the pet more comfort, safety, space, and stability?
In collaborative divorce, you and your spouse—not a judge—make the final decision based on your unique circumstances and what you believe is best for your pet. That control, and the ability to craft a solution tailored to your animal’s needs, is one of the most powerful reasons to resolve pet custody through the collaborative process.
The Bottom Line: Protect Your Pet by Planning Ahead
Divorce forces you to make dozens of difficult decisions in a short period of time. Your pet’s future deserves to be one of the first conversations you have, not an afterthought squeezed in at the last minute.
Talk to your collaborative divorce team early. Be honest about your attachment to your pet—and your spouse’s. Consider what your animal truly needs to be safe, healthy, and happy in their post-divorce life. And if shared custody feels like the only option you can live with, insist on a detailed agreement that anticipates conflict before it arises.
Your pet has been there for you through thick and thin. Now it’s your turn to make the decision that’s best for them.
